It's Been a Long Time

I haven't been on my blog in years.  Last week I wanted to make a collage of the boys to show how they all looked around the same age, and I needed baby photos of Asher and Henry for it.  Reluctantly, I popped onto the blog to find some photos.  Yes, I've sort of avoided the blog because of the disappointment and guilt I feel over not keeping up on it.  It sounds stupid, but I feel like I've let my kids down by not journaling their childhoods well enough.  I haven't kept baby books (terrible mother!), so this and Facebook are really all I have.  Mom suggested I start blogging again.  Just because it's been such a long time doesn't mean I have to give it up forever.  

Asher is now seven and in first grade, Henry is five, and we have a whole new person in our family, William, who is already seven months old.  Man, the time flies by so quickly.  I have wanted to be home with my kids ever since I was pregnant with Asher, and we finally decided to turn my dream into a reality a couple of months ago.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  There's just so much to juggle, and I'm terrible at juggling!  I hope with time it'll start to become more second nature and I won't feel like such an imposter.  I am so happy I'm finally able to be home with my kids, though.  I feel like a failure most days, but I also feel like I'm right where I belong. It's great to actually know my kids' preferences, their little quirks, and witness William's milestones firsthand.  I love Stephen for staying home with the kids all those years when I was working, but it hurt my feelings when he knew more about the children than I did.  A mother has a unique connection to her children, and I felt like I partially lost that. 

I miss writing, and I miss recording the mundane details of our lives that, one day, will make me smile and feel nostalgic.  Now that I've made the scary first step back in with this post, maybe I can start tracking memories again.

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He's Almost Four, You know

Asher turns four in just two short months. So hard to believe.  I mean, just look at this big boy!

He's fully potty trained.  And our POOPIES! issues appear to be finally fading away. (Finally!)

  

Unfortunately, he's still a terrible eater.  He seems to be getting worse in that respect!  I think he does it just to drive me crazy.  He derives a certain pleasure in watching me weep when I'm unable to convince him that homemade chicken tenders are the same as the ones you get at a restaurant.  

 

He's the world's best big brother, though, which more than makes up for the pickiness at dinnertime.  True, he does get very upset when Henry snatches a toy away from him or bites him.  Many screams have been shouted for Mommy or Daddy when this happens, but he never retaliates, which has completely shocked me.  He watches out for his baby brother in the sweetest ways.  Henry gets hurt and Asher kisses his boo boo.  He yells at Henry to stay out of the street and takes his hand to guide him to safety.  And if I get upset with Henry, Asher reminds me that Henry doesn't understand because he's just a baby.

I just adore my little Asher Bug who is getting to be less and less little.

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18 Months With Mr. Pickles

Over the weekend, we finally celebrated Henry's birthday.  He had only turned one in April - we were just a mere six months late in celebrating.  Because Aunt Carolyn's wedding was on his birthday, and the sorrow from Suzanne's recent tragic death was still fresh, we just didn't feel up to celebrating.  Once April passed, I really didn't know when would be the appropriate time for a belated birthday party, if at all.  When Mom said she wanted to have a Halloween party, I realized that coincided with him turning a year and a half, so - voila - it was decided we would  have a Halloween themed birthday party for him.  Unfortunately, I was running around like a mad woman the whole day, so I didn't get any pictures taken myself, and only have a handful that my cousin, Kiley, was nice enough to take.  Oh well.  At least I don't have the guilt of no first birthday party looming over my head anymore. 

 

Henry has been the busiest little boy I've ever known, as well as the most adventurous.  He is not afraid to get dirty.  Animals do not scare him.  Heights and climbing don't phase him one bit.  Getting hurt is no big deal.  He is still afraid of the vacuum cleaner, lawn mower, and pretty much anything else that makes really loud noises, though, which is funny because he's pretty darn loud himself.

One of my favorite things about Henry is his wonderful appetite.  After having a chronic picky eater on my hands for the past three years - really, I have two if you count Stephen - it's an absolute joy to have a child who will EAT!  While Asher's list of what he'll eat continues to dwindle, Henry's grows.  One of his favorite foods is peas - he can't get enough of them - and he'll try things like Brussels Sprouts, meatloaf, and V8 without throwing a fit.  If he doesn't like it, he'll spit it out, but no screaming, no tantrums, and no pleading from us to get him to try something.  Words cannot describe the relief we feel - for the most part, we don't have to make special foods for him at dinnertime and if we go someplace else to eat, chances are very good he will go with the flow and eat whatever we give him.

Henry's personality is really starting to blossom, too.  His sense of humor is budding.  He gives kisses and loves reading books together.  He is rough and tough, but takes time for snuggling a few times a day.  He likes to have his feet tickled and rubs our hands on his face when he's tired.  He shares his big brother's love of trains and cars.  Dancing to Yo Gabba Gabba and singing along to Thomas songs are a couple of his favorite pastimes.

It's the beginning of the end of babyhood for Mr. Pickles.  His speech is becoming less foreign to us - we can now hear him say "cat," "dog," "car," "truck," "train," etc., as well as "Mom," "Dad," and "Ash."  He is following instruction better and better; in fact, before I took the pictures directly above and below, I asked him to sit by the tree and stand by the wall - much to my surprise, he did!  So, he definitely is understanding us better, too - which obviously makes life a teensy bit easier. 

I catch myself often thinking back to two years ago when Asher was Henry's age.  It completely amazes me how much Asher changed between 18 months and two years.  I know Henry is going to sprout just as quickly over the next six months and will be a "big" boy before I know it.  I intend to relish the last few days of his baby-ness as much as I can!

Here are some pictures taken so far from the month of October.  I'll add to them as more are taken.

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Fun Things to Think About Before Bed

It's past midnight and I really should be getting my beauty sleep in preparation for my favorite time of the week - Monday morning, of course - but no. Instead I'm being my usual weirdo self and am lying here thinking up horrible scenarios that could happen at any given moment. I won't talk about my specific morbid thoughts or fears, though - too disturbing. I will say that many of my fears revolve around my kids nowadays and, to me, this is the worst thing about parenthood. 

It's amazing the amount of love you have for your kids. I never ever could imagine the depth of love a parent has until I had children of my own; people talk about it, but you just can't fathom it until it's yours. I mean, all I have to do is look at my kids and my heart skips a beat. Yeah, this love is great and all that, but you know what comes with love - insane amounts of WORRY. And here it is, keeping me up, reminding me of all I could lose if *gulp* something were to happen to either of them. Or BOTH of them! Oh you think NO WAY could something that horrible happen to someone but then you read an article about a woman losing all three of her children thanks to the driver of the car going the wrong way down the highway. Like really - how do such bad things happen? How do you survive that kind of grief? 

Sometimes I think I love my kids too much. Maybe I'm obssessed? Or do all parents go through this agony of worrying? Is there a way to outlet these anxieties, or am I just going to have to bubblewrap my children? Thoughts would be great. I feel like I'm going a little nutty!

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Asher & His Lesson

I am sitting outside the room where Asher is having his piano/violin lesson. He doesn't seem to mind anything that Mr. Sabatino instructs him to do. It's so frustrating to see him, more or less, ignore what he's told to do. I just would like to go in there and grab him by the arm and tell him to pay attention.

But actually, he is paying attention. He is picking up on the things that are told and shown to him. He knows all the parts of the violin, how to hold the bow, and the correct way to bow the bow across the strings. And now he knows where middle C is and two songs. His lack of paying attention during practice and his lessons was/is so frustrating. But I just need to "sack up" and be more patient. He's obviously picking up on something.

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Big Baby = Big Clothes

I recently made a comment on Twitter about Henry wearing clothes that Asher just wore last Winter and Spring.

Remember this picture of Asher from last January?

Henry is wearing that article of clothing (size 24 months) today.

My nine-month old is the size of a two-year old.

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The Past Month

It's been busy (as usual) around here, and I've been terrible at keeping up with my blog (as usual). Just a little recap of the past month...(Has it really been a month since Christmas?!)

We stayed home for Christmas this year. Most years we end up at my mom's house, so it was hard breaking that tradition, but keeping the boys at home so they could open their presents from Santa at a leisurely pace and play with them all day seemed like the right thing to do. Luckily, I didn't have to spend Christmas away from my mom, though; she and Bob came to us! The boys didn't finish opening all their gifts until the evening after Christmas due to a combination of Santa's generosity, a baby who could care less, and a toddler with the attention span of, well, a toddler. So, it turned out to be a good thing that we didn't go with the plan of going to Mom's after opening presents. We would have been two days late!

The day after New Year's, Asher turned a whopping THREE YEARS OLD! We had a low-key celebration with family. We spent the afternoon at The Children's Museum with NeeNee and PaPa. Grandfather, Marmie, Uncle Adam and Cathy joined us afterward for cake and presents.

(Asher requested a Thomas cake again this year. Unfortunately, the bakeries at the grocery stores only have one Thomas design, so he got the same cake as last year. Fortunately, he is very easy to please and was even more enthusiastic about the cake this year than last.)

Henry has been a busy little baby now that he has the ability to crawl wherever he wants. His favorite destination seems to be Asher's room; more specifically, Asher's train table. Things are easier in a way now that he's crawling because that means he's better able to keep himself entertained. In another way, things are harder because we really have to watch him every second to make sure he's not getting into something he's not supposed to. It's been a challenge trying to get Asher to understand that he can't leave small toys out where Henry can reach them. He either doesn't comprehend the dangers of choking, or he has a dark wish for his brother.

(We can blame the lack of blog posts on Henry's new skill, too. Chasing a baby around takes up a lot more time than one would think.)

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